


Trash Note

by tartpants



Category: Death Note
Genre: (sort of), Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Cliche, Crack, Crack Treated Seriously, Frottage, Hand Jobs, Humor, M/M, Male Slash, Oral Sex, Parody, Smut, Tropes
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-05-24
Updated: 2016-05-24
Packaged: 2018-06-10 08:26:32
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,683
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6947620
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tartpants/pseuds/tartpants
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>TRASH NOTE</p><p>A series of vignettes involving the fandom's most popular, ridiculous, and essentially trashy scenarios for shipping up favorite Death Note characters. "The character whose name is written in this note shall obey the writer’s every trash whim, no matter how out-of-character, preposterous, unsavory, carnal, humiliating, or cracktastic."</p><p>This is basically shameless in every way, shape, and form and will probably only get worse from here. I am surely going to hell. P.S. since the characters are getting it on thanks to the power of the "trash note," I suppose this might be considered dub-con by those who are really sensitive to the matter, but you really have to squint to see it, I think.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Trash Note

**Author's Note:**

> This first vignette is inspired by all of the many, many "Light and L are chained together, sexy-times ensue" fics that are thick in this fandom. You know you love them! This one just happens to be a little more...self-aware about how unlikely that particular scenario is. XD

**TRASH NOTE**

 

 _How_ _to Use It_

I.

 

  * The character whose name is written in this note shall obey the writer’s every trash whim, no matter how out-of-character, preposterous, unsavory, carnal, humiliating, or cracktastic.
  * This note will not take effect unless the writer has the character’s face in mind when writing their name. Therefore, characters that share the same name will not be affected.
  * If the trash scenario is written within 40 seconds of writing the characters name it will happen.
  * If the trash scenario is not specified, the character will simply do something randomly trash.
  * After writing the trash scenario, explicit details of the trashiness should be written in the net 6 minutes and 40 seconds.



 

_Note One: “Now that he’s handcuffed 24-hours to L, Light can’t help but notice how oddly sensual and attractive his captor is, and L - L notices Light noticing._

_Inevitable carnal happenings ensue.”_

 

It was day three of Light Yagami’s captivity -- no, not captivity. He shouldn’t think of it as imprisonment, but an opportunity to clear his own name, once and for all. After all, L is giving up his freedom, too, though Light is pretty sure that L doesn’t use his freedom for much more than going out shopping for new flavors of cake. In all other ways, L, barely human, is perfectly content to spend his day behind a bank of computer monitors, muttering out instructions to Watari and the task force members.

L is so barely human that he appears to have not fully thought through the complications of two people being chained together for any extended length of time. While L sleeps very little, and can even sleep upright in his office chair, Light requires a full seven-to-eight hours of rest to maintain his health and peace of mind. When Light pointed out this problem, L solved it by setting up a mobile workspace next to the bed in Light’s room, and while the tap-tapping of keys kept Light awake at first, eventually he gave in to fatigue and learned to sleep with the detective only six feet away.

And using the bathroom facilities -- well, that’s been another matter entirely. Taking a piss is no big deal, but showering and other bodily functions Light would prefer to partake of in private. Alas, L refuses to budge and unchain Light for even a few minutes. The door to the bathroom must remain open at all times, with L only six feet away, usually crouched just outside the door frame with his attention trained on his laptop. Their positions are reversed whenever L needs the facilities, but that hardly makes the situation any more welcome.

Even so, by day three Light has mostly stopped stressing about their arrangement. L’s constant company is just something he’ll have to endure in order to catch Kira.

“Yagami-kun, would you like a cupcake? They’re cherry-vanilla flavored,” L asks through a luxuriant mouthful of sugar. He’s been lapping at the cupcake’s oversized swirl of icing for the past five minutes, and flecks of pink cling to his mouth. 

“No, thank you,” Light says, gaze narrowing as L’s lips close down on a rosy peak of icing, his eyelashes fluttering shut. L is probably ignorant of just how much he looks like he’s sucking on a nipple, given that he’s probably never sucked on a nipple since infanthood.

“Sure? S’good,” L slurs, the sound of saliva thick in the back of his throat. It ought to be revolting -- everything about L’s oral fixation is revolting, but the thick, wet sound of his words send a strange ripple of intrigue down Light’s spine, reminding him of something carnal and hungry and grasping and....

No. Light is _not_ a carnal person. He’s never really been one for the passions and pleasures of the flesh. It’s always struck him as a waste of time, given all the more important tasks in the world that need tackling.

And yet the sound of the detective tonguing at his frosted cupcake worms its way into Light’s ears in a manner that he can’t seem to block out, no matter how he pulls down at his auburn tresses.

It’s been a terribly long time since Light has had any relief of the carnal variety, and his body is actively disobeying his brain’s protests, sending a surge of blood to swell up the most long-neglected (but usually undemanding) parts of his anatomy.

He wishes someone would come into the room and interrupt them, providing a distraction from L’s mouthy ministrations, but unfortunately they’re mostly alone at headquarters tonight. Misa is already asleep, and Watari is doing his secret Watari things. Aizawa took the night off so he could escort his family to Chuck-E-Cheese, and Matsuda has roller-derby practice.

“I’m going to bed,” Light announces, giving up. All they’re doing is watching the news, anyway, and nothing new has been reported in the last few hours.  

“Tired already, Yagami-kun?”

Light might be imagining it, but he thinks he hears faint disappointment in L’s voice -- L, who’s poised in his chair with one hand cupping the remainders of his sticky cupcake, the other hand trailing fingers over glossy-looking lips. The raven-haired detective had never struck Light as particularly attractive before. He was too skinny, too wide-eyed and pale. Also, he was a guy. But now Light sees, for the first time, for some mysterious reason, that L has exquisitely plump and lickable lips. Light is hit with an unbidden image of himself bent over the detective, cleaning up the mess of his mouth with his own slippery tongue, the detective parting his lips so that Light’s tongue can sweep against his, sampling the delicate cherry-vanilla flavors there.

“Yes, very tired,” Light manages to croak up through his dry throat.

“I see. We will relocate to your bedroom, then.” L stuffs the rest of the cake into his mouth and uncoils from his chair, stretching his arms up high so that his white tee-shirt rides up to reveal one jutting hipbone, a sight that causes Light to swallow and look away. He’s so flustered, in fact, that he starts to march toward the exit before L is fully done stretching, unwittingly making the detective stagger after him.

Light can’t get into bed and the safety of his blankets quickly enough.

 

***

 

Something is different about Light Yagami, and L is bound (literally) and determined to find out what.

It isn’t just that the younger man emerged from his self-imposed imprisonment with a new fervor to help solve the Kira case, it’s that Light also appears to have developed some peculiar and rigid ‘moral code’ over night.. He’s also inexplicably started wearing carefully-ironed khaki trousers and sporting an adorable, puppyish look in his eyes, both of which make L suspicious and send his manipulative urges into overdrive.

The cupcake was the first test, and while L half-expected Light to punch him for his painfully obvious overtures, instead the other male appeared to grow flustered, possibly even aroused, if his urgency to get into bed and yank the covers over his head was any indication.

He’s laid there for the past half hour, not moving but not sleeping, either -- L can tell by the shallowness of his breath, by the rigid fortress of his body.

L waits at his mobile workstation for another five minutes before letting out a silky, mocking whisper: “I thought Yagami-kun was so very tired.”

“Shut up, Ryuzaki,” the young man growls, snapping the blankets over his legs.

“I’m sorry you can’t sleep,” L says, managing to put some real contriteness into his tone. “Is there anything I might do to help?”

“Yeah, you can be quiet.” But there’s something taut and tight in Light’s tone, something ready to snap.

“Hmm,” L pretends to muse while switching the laptop over to screensaver mode, so that it casts a blue, watery glow over the otherwise dim room. “It occurs to me that when I handcuffed us together, I never took into account that you are a mere eighteen years old.” He ends with a significant pause.

“So?”

“At age eighteen, a healthy male produces more testosterone than he will at any other point during his lifespan. In terms of sexual frustration, you must be quite uncomfortable by now.”

Light rolls over just enough for L to catch the flash of his amber eyes. “And this didn’t occur to you when I was imprisoned for weeks on end?”

L pushes a thumb to his mouth, considering. “No, it didn’t occur to me at all.” In fact, it’s rather unexpected that it’s occurring to him even _now_ , but no matter -- L can worry about that later. “In any case, if you are desperate to relieve yourself I can put on headphones to block out the sound.” A generous offer, he thinks.

“Are you crazy? I’m not jerking off while you’re in the room.”

“If you grew up in an orphanage or had college roommates you wouldn’t be so shy about such things,” L remarks.

Light releases another growl of frustration, followed by a heavy sigh. “I’m not _shy._ ”

L leans out of his chair and puts both palms on the edge of the bed. “No? What are you then, Light Yagami?”

 

***

 

_What are you then, Light Yagami?_

The question echoes in Lights head, mocking him. Because really, he isn’t exactly sure who or what he is at the moment, other than incredibly, desperately aroused, a sheen of sweat glazing his whole body so that his tee-shirt sticks to the small of his back, his prick pressing into the waistband his pajama pants, hard and leaking.

The bed shifts slightly as L’s weight creeps across the covers, his inky hair shadowing his dark eyes, but not so much that Light misses the almost predatory look in them. It’s an expression that turns his already weak knees to mush. How had his missed this utterly seductive side to L before? L must have been hiding it from him, and he’s probably only showing it to him now as some kind of trap. Light knows that he should be wary, but his balls ache far too much for him to be properly on guard.

“Ryuzaki,” Light warns the approaching figure.

“Yes?” L asks at once, a breathless edge in his voice.

“Don’t come over here unless you’re going to get me off,” Light practically barks, just to ensure that it doesn’t come across as begging.

L lets out a dry laugh, his hands dragging the blanket down until it slides over the crest of Light’s feet. Cool, blissful air passes over his hot skin, making him sigh in relief, his chest hitching high, almost coming out as a gasp.

“You seem...warm,” L says, his thin fingers grazing Light’s ankle. “Maybe you should…undress.”

 _God_ , even the detective’s pauses seem significant and sexy, like he’s deliberately dragging the words out over his teeth, kicking and screaming all the way.

“Maybe you should do it for me,” Light counters, not one to take orders.

“Maybe I should undress myself, first,” L smiles, tugging up his tee-shirt halfway to show a taut, hollowed abdomen -- slim, yes, but with just enough lean muscle to explain the detective’s wiley strength. He yanks the tee off the rest of the way, letting it travel down the length of chain between them, then crawls over Light to help him with his own shirt. Light can’t help but smirk when the detective’s eyes rake over his bare chest thirstily. He knows he looks good -- fit and well-formed. Girls would drop their panties for Light if he so much as winked, so why not L, too?

“I didn’t know you were into guys, Ryuzaki,” Light drawls, relishing this little moment of power over his captor.

“I didn’t know that I was, either,” L says in wonder “Yet, here we are…” he finishes by lunging forward and pinning Light’s shoulders into the mattress, their hips grinding together, erections helplessly and wantonly trapped between their lean, half-clothed bodies.

“Umf, I can feel your cock,” L says baldly, rocking against Light. “I suppose it’s just as good-looking as the rest of you, isn’t it, Yagami-kun?”

“I imagine you’ll find out if things keep going this way,” Light replies, a wheeze in his throat. L’s penis feels larger than he expected, prodding against Light’s like a deliciously thick staff of hot friction. They grind against each other hard enough for their balls to bump, and it sends a tight twitch up Light’s shaft, making him shout out L’s fake name from deep inside his throat.

“You’re too loud,” L complains, kissing him into silence. His sticky mouth tastes like cherry-vanilla.

Light runs his fingers over the raven-haired man’s ribs and down to those jutting hips, thrusting up against them hard until L is panting raggedly into his open mouth. “Ah. You’re quite...good at that.”

“Mmm,” Light purrs back, canting his hips up again and eliciting a warbling cry from the detective.

“Two can play at that,” L says, sitting upright sharply. “I have the high ground, remember?” His pale, boney fingers toy with the waistband of Light’s pants.

“What are you going to do?” Light asks, not bothering to hide his eagerness for L’s answer.

 

***

 

“Get you out of these wet clothes, for one,” L responds, thumbing the growing damp spot on Light’s pajama bottoms. Light lifts his hips up enough for L to slide them all the way down, his erection springing free and hitting his lower stomach with a wet slap. It’s truly a thing of beauty, smooth and only lightly veined, with a thick, round head that looks perfect for sucking. L eyeballs it as over eight inches, maybe even as high as nine, but then again he was raised on the metric system so who knows?

L takes off his own jeans, while he’s at it, well aware that his own manhood is nothing to scoff at, and is roughly the same size and shape as what one might find in their vegetable crisper, were one to consume phallus-shaped vegetables on a regular basis.

Now their cocks are smashed together, skin-on-skin, L’s hands sliding up and down both of their lengths while Light groans prettily beneath him. L likes to see the beautiful brunet come unravelled under his touch. He feels like he’s been waiting a long, long time to see Light in such a state, but that he somehow only now realized that he was waiting for such a thing. In addition to simply enjoying himself, L is sure that this whole bed-romp will give him an advantage of some kind. Yes, everything is going according to plan.

“Nggh, Rue,” Light whines, and it’s clear that he’s now desperate for more than frottage and a handjob.

“Do you know how gorgeous you look while you tremble at my touch?” L asks with a smirk.

Light, already flush from their antics, turns rosy from navel to nose.

“Do you know how hot you sound when you moan and groan as I stroke you?” L asks, watching him redden further still.

“Stop it!” Light gasps, turning his head to one side, stuffing it into the pillow.

That’s enough teasing, L supposes, and scoots down between Light’s strong thighs, parting them and dipping his head lower. Light’s cock is a leaky mess, pre-cum dripping down his length like honey from a bear-shaped squeeze-bottle. L, who likes honey, laps a little of it up on his tongue and finds the taste not disagreeable. The brunet’s whole torso jerks when L pulls his cock between taut, sucking cheeks, moving his head from side-to-side, up-and-down, and in a corkscrew motion, all while firmly squeezing the base. The detective’s never done this before, but is pleased to realize that he’s just as gifted at it as almost everything else. Another little weapon for his arsenal.

“ _Oooh, L_ ,” Light cries out, forgetting the alias altogether. The whiny, breathy noises he’s making send delicious throbs straight to L’s dick, which he thrusts into the sheets every so often for a little burst of 500-thread count friction, his mouth still gamely sucking off Light’s heavy, dripping cock.

“L -- L,” Light chants in staggering way. “You’re going to make me --”

 

***

 

And with that, the detective’s warm, devouring mouth let’s go of Light’s penis with a soft _pop._

“Not yet,” L says, the words rubbed raw. He sucks on each of his fingers, saliva dripping down to coat the knuckles. “It isn’t _real_ sex until someone gets penetrated.” He presses his wet lips to Light’s inner-thigh in a sloppy kiss. “Don’t you know that?”

“Of course I do,” Light says, but he can’t help but flinch just a little when he feels L’s slick fingers travel past his balls to lightly probe his entrance.

“Easy,” L says soothingly. “I can’t wait to see how gorgeous you look with my fingers in your ass.”

“Thanks,” Light says, feeling a little better. “Should we be using lube, or something?”

“You’ll be fine,” L assures him, and from the feel of it, he must have one whole finger inside Light by now. “You’re Light Yagami, after all.”

That’s true. It doesn’t hurt so much as it just feels _odd._ Like he ought to go sit himself on the toilet for a while. But then L’s finger pushes higher, brushing against a particularly sensitive spot, and Light can practically see sparks exploding behind his eyelids, pleasure shooting from his balls all the way down to his toes, which curl exquisitely into the sheets.

“Ooh,” he groans, unable to stop himself from rocking against L’s fingers.

“You look gorgeous,” L chants encouragingly, and the invading sensation gets tighter, more pressurized, as he adds more fingers, his free hand loosely stroking Light’s erection.

Light is overcome with a wave of deep, thrumming desire, every muscle and inch of skin crying out for the raven-haired man’s touch. At his core is an unquenchable achiness, a longing to be filled by something huge and ravishing.

“I need --” He gasps, hands and fingers rooting mindlessly through the sheets.

“Yes?” L asks, and the smugness in his voice is, frankly, annoying.

“Oooh I need you to fuck me,” Light chants unabashedly, his wants strong enough to erase any shame clean out of existence.

“Yeah,” L murmurs, giving his fingers a few more thrusts before sliding them out, making Light whimper at their sudden absence. “Get me wet, first,” he says, nimbly straddling Light’s shoulders so that he gets his first real look at L’s penis which, while not quite as long as Light’s, looks to be a little thicker. Thick enough to make Light swallow with both fear and anticipation.

He opens his mouth obligingly, like a baby bird opens its mouth when Mama-bird comes by with a fat worm, and takes L’s hot, fat length between his lips. The detective gives several sharp hip-thrusts, his dick swabbing deep into the back of Light’s open throat, and he actually _growls_ under his breath, his charcoal-colored hair going more wildly askew with each rough movement.

“Ah, that’s good,” he says, easing out and studying the way Light’s spit drips off his shaft. “Ready?” He gives Light a playful, almost shy smile, scooting back down to Light’s hips.

Light nods, watching the look of careful concentration on L’s face as he grips his hips, lifts them slightly, and then aims his cock just so.

“ _Ahhh_ ,” Light groans as L fills him, slowly at first, but then slamming in hard, literally slamming him up against the headboard, then slamming in again with an onslaught that brings three times as much pleasure as it does pain, and if L’s cock doesn’t rip him apart then the massive orgasm coming his way will do the job for certain.

“You. Are. All. Mine. All. Fucking. Mine,” L says, punctuating between each word brutally, if unnecessarily. His eyes are dark and possessive, his hands pinning Light’s ankles over his shoulders. “Say you love me,” he demands.

“I love you,” Light croaks, realizing that it’s true. _Somehow_ , it’s true.

“And I love you, you evil, conniving genius,” L says, sweat rolling down his neck and chest, making a damp trail between his nipples.

“Oh god, I’m going to come,” Light moans, the tight sensation starting to flutter around the edges of his stomach and cavort up his ballsack.

“Come for me.” L nods in approval, his own breath barely contained.

Light bucks helplessly beneath the detective, shouting out as a massive orgasm roars through his entire body, shooting a hot mess up onto both of their chests.

“Ah, yes,” L croons softly, his own body going stiff, almost still, as a discordant noise of pleasure leaks out of his vocal cords and he explodes into Light.

They writhe and wrack together until both are spent, L finally collapsing against Light’s chest, the goo there sealing their bodies together like thick cake frosting.

“Wow,” Light mutters, feeling utterly dazed.

“Yeah,” L echoes, his fingers plucking at Light’s collarbone.

“This was all so unexpected.” In fact, Light still can’t quite believe that it’s happened, even as the evidence is, in fact, leaking out of his bottom right at this moment.

“All the best things are,” L says tonelessly.

“Come on,” Light says, poking the detective a little. “You planned this all along didn’t you?”

L shakes his head, onyx hair brushing against Light’s chin. “I honestly did not.”

“ _Riiiight._ Who decides to chain themselves to a younger, more attractive man with no ulterior motive at all?”  

“I swear --” L starts, then breaks off, realizing it’s hopeless. Maybe he _did_ have an ulterior motive. He just can’t seem to remember how it got there. Here.

At any rate, it doesn’t matter now. Light is all his, and he’s finally cracked his code, once and for all. He loops the chain around both of their bodies then hauls the sheets up to cover them completely, certain that they’ll both sleep more soundly tonight than ever before.

Until the more libidinous calls of nature wake them up again, anyway…

 

***

**Author's Note:**

> \- I apologize if I made your brain bleed.  
> \- I will be a little shocked if I get kudos and comments. That said, they are MORE THAN WELCOME.  
> \- More "trash note" vignettes to come! If you have an utterly ridic, smutty, or silly prompt you'd like me to tackle, please leave me a comment, or shoot me a message/ask over on tumblr (you can find me @tartpants)


End file.
